What’s one thing you know now that would have saved your younger self a lot of pain?

If there’s one thing I wish I could tell my younger self, it’s this: you don’t have to abandon yourself to keep other people in your life.

I wish I had known earlier. It would have saved me a lot of unnecessary heartache, overthinking and those moments when you lie in bed replaying conversations, wondering what you said wrong or what you could have done differently.

I wish I had understood that not everyone would like me and that was okay. I could be the sweetest peach in the world and someone would still prefer oranges. lol

I wish I had known that not everyone who comes into my life is meant to stay and not everyone I love would know how to love me in return. Sometimes, you can give your best to people and still be misunderstood, overlooked or disappointed.

And no, that doesn’t automatically mean you weren’t enough.

I wish I had learned earlier that love and friendship shouldn’t require me to keep proving my worth. I shouldn’t have to overextend myself, constantly explain my intentions or silence my feelings just to keep the peace.

Because what kind of peace is it when everybody else is comfortable but you’re slowly losing yourself?

Don’t get me wrong. Relationships require patience, compromise, forgiveness and understanding. Nobody is perfect, including me. But there’s a difference between making room for someone’s imperfections and repeatedly making excuses for the things that constantly hurt you.

I wish my younger self had understood that sooner.

I would tell her to give herself the same kindness she so freely gives other people.

And perhaps, most importantly, I would tell her to say NO a lot more.

You are allowed to have boundaries. You are allowed to outgrow people, change your mind and choose a different path. You don’t have to explain yourself into exhaustion just because someone doesn’t understand your choices.

Some people may misunderstand you no matter how carefully you explain yourself. Rest, my dear. You’re not a customer care department assigned to manage everyone’s opinion of you. lol

Today, I understand that protecting my peace doesn’t make me selfish and choosing myself doesn’t mean I don’t care about others.

It simply means I have finally realized that I matter, too.

Would knowing all these have saved my younger self from every disappointment? Probably not. Some lessons can only be understood when life gives you a practical demonstration. And sometimes, the practical demonstration comes with premium tears, sleepless nights and a soundtrack you didn’t ask for.

But perhaps she would have spent less time blaming herself, less time chasing acceptance and less time trying to hold together relationships that were costing her too much.

So, if I could sit across from my younger self today, I wouldn’t scold her for the things she didn’t know. I would hug her, tight.

I would tell her she was doing the best she could with what she understood at the time. That she didn’t have to get everything right. That she was allowed to learn, grow and begin again.

And I would remind her of this:

You can love deeply without losing yourself. You can be kind without being available for everything. You can walk away without being a bad person. And you can choose yourself without feeling guilty about it.

Dear younger me, I wish you had known.

But I’m glad we know now.