Some days will test you. Today’s one of such days. The only difference is that I made a conscious effort not to talk down on myself.

Over time I’ve realised that it is very easy to allow a minor setback, frustration or anger to influence how we view ourselves. It’s so much easier to focus on what we did wrong than to acknowledge what we did right.

“I’ll never be good enough.”

“I’m always the problem.”

“What am I even doing with my life?”

“I’ll never get it right”

We are so quick to criticise ourselves that we don’t realise how horrible we’ve been treating ourselves. We replay our mistakes, question our abilities, dismiss our achievements and convince ourselves that we’re not doing enough.

Negative self-talk is that inner voice that constantly points out what you’re doing wrong, reminds you of your shortcomings and makes you question your worth even when there’s no real reason to. Sometimes, all it takes is one bad day for us to start questioning everything about ourselves. A mistake at work, an argument with someone or a plan that didn’t work out and suddenly we’re being unnecessarily hard on ourselves.

Just like today, I’ve found myself in this situation one too many times. But over time, I’ve learnt to appreciate these moments differently. Here are a few things I’ve been trying to practise:

1. Guard Your Heart

Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

Pay attention to your thoughts, especially when you feel let down, distraught, frustrated, disappointed or unhappy with yourself.

Are you always quick to blame yourself?

Do you immediately start talking down on yourself?

Do you allow one unpleasant experience to influence how you see yourself?

You need to start recognising these patterns and make conscious efforts to change them.

Be mindful of what you allow to take root in your heart and mind. Not every negative thought deserves your attention.

2. Speak to Yourself Kindly

Proverbs 16:24: “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.“

It’s okay to feel disappointed, dismayed or downcast. Your feelings are completely valid but even in the middle of whatever storm you find yourself in, be mindful of how you speak to yourself.

Stop using harsh labels like “I’m an idiot” or “I always ruin everything.”

Instead, learn to frame your mistakes as opportunities for growth.

“That was tough, but I am learning and I will do better next time.”

Remember, your words matter, including the ones you say to yourself.

3. Give Yourself the Same Grace You Give Others

Matthew 22:39 “Love your neighbour as yourself.”

It’s very easy to encourage others during their difficult days. You remind them of their strengths, reassure them that things will get better and encourage them not to give up but when it’s your turn, you suddenly find it difficult to extend that same kindness to yourself. Why?

The instruction in Matthew 22:39 is quite interesting. We are asked to love our neighbours as ourselves but how often do we extend that same love and consideration to ourselves?

You deserve patience and kindness too.

You deserve the opportunity to make mistakes, learn, unlearn and try again and if it doesn’t work out the first time, you can try again.

4. Acknowledge your progress

Deuteronomy 8:2 “Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years…“

Sometimes, we’re so focused on where we want to be that we completely disregard how far we’ve come.

We forget the difficult situations we’ve overcome, the little victories that have brought us this far and even The One who has been with us through it all.

Take a moment to appreciate yourself.

Give yourself a pat on the back.

Not everything has to be a major milestone to deserve recognition. Sometimes, getting through a difficult day without giving up is an achievement in itself.

And please, stop comparing your journey to someone else’s. Their progress doesn’t make yours any less meaningful.

Today, I consciously decided not to add to my own frustration by being unkind to myself.

I didn’t pretend everything was fine and I didn’t dismiss how I felt. I simply made a decision not to turn a difficult day into another reason to criticise myself and I think that’s something we all need to practise because the truth is “You cannot hate yourself into becoming the person you want to be”.

So, the next time life tests you, remember to be on your own side. Give yourself grace, speak kindly to yourself and remember that one bad day doesn’t erase all the good inside of you.